Hmmm... Well My Life May Fall Apart Soon.. But Atleast I've Never Been Skinnier

Hellloooo everyone,

To the left is a current pic of me (at 132.4)!! I intend to improve more, but this is a new low weight for me! So I'm thrilled!

I'm at the lowest weight I've been since before I stopped growing (in 6th grade). 132.4 and shrinking. For the first time in my life I have no desire to eat what-so-ever. I believe the meds (Phentermine & Fastin) are to be thanked!

Anywhoooo.. Long time now post! I've been very pre-occupied with a lot of personal issues lately.. Depression/Anxiety/General Insanity/etc. Sooo.. I basically just completely shut down the second half of my first semester in college.. Great. I mean.. I was MIA.. and in extremely bad shape. I have a history of depression.. this episode is about as close as I've come to my worst point ever. Personally, I could have done without falling back into the blackest hole I've ever been in.. but que sera sera..

Thankfully, or unfortunately (I'm in therapy currently to help me decide which), I have let almost nobody in my life (save my shrink) in on how depressed I've been lately. Part of being as perfectionistic as I am is about not letting anyone know anything is wrong. I'm very good at this.. Thus I am attempting to salvage what's left of me and cut through the red tape of gaining academic mental health exceptions from several sources... leaving me almost unable to function I'm so anxious. Yet.. I must maintain the charade that things are fine and dandy.. so I line up tasks and complete them with manic attention, and panicked energy. Anyone viewing me would simply consider my hyper-kineticness lately as my natural tendency towards workaholicism (new word?) Thus.. my rant about my enormously unstable, intensely anxiety ridden, manic state.. shall end o_O

The good part of now: Everything in my life is going spectacularly right now. I have a wonderful boyfriend I'm nuts about (this has never happened before), my parents as always are great, my little brother is becoming more human (I don't know why.. but I won't question it), I'm growing a lot mentally (hopefully as I pull myself together, emotionally as well). I'm getting help (though I should have gotten it sooner.. it would have been much more beneficial.. its not too late.) I'm proud of asking for help. It's not in my nature.. but it's only logical that we all need help sometimes.

Have a wonderfully Merry Christmas everyone!! I wish the world the best and all of you happiness! :D

Finally... something fabulous that works... but you have to be tricky to get it o_O

Hokkayyy... So... I've abandoned the Nicotene thing because I've found something amazing that works fabulously!! And the nicotene black cherry lozenges taste bad...

Whatever, moving along. There's this prescription weight loss/appetite suppressent/optimal weight loss mode drug called Phentermine. It's normally only prescribed to patients with a BMI of 30 or over (ie obese). It's very powerful and according to the FDA only obese or overweight people should take it... fortunatly if you can find a doctor whose interpretation of overweight is how you feel about your weight, and your BMI is in the normal range still (like 21.3, like mine at the moment) you can get a prescription for this stuff for a month.

It's pricey (like $100 bucks per 30 pills) b/c you have to go to a weight loss clinic... and your insurance likely won't cover prescription weight loss meds if your weight doesn't effect your health (and they charge you more than necessary b/c the only reason they'll prescribe a normal weight person these meds if for cashhh... o_O Really kind of sketch atcually... but whatever... it works :)

Sooooo I put on a really baggy pair of sweat pants and strapped some running weights to my legs and put on a heavy sweatshirt also... this jacked my weight up enough for my BMI to be higher when they weighed me (I also told them I'm two inches shorter than I am... they didn't measure my height...).

Thus I was prescribed phentermine and now I have to force myself to eat... so I'm starving myself @ 500 cals a day + running... but I'm not at all starving... :D So fabulous..!!

I think anyone should be prescribed this drug if it is safe for them... obese people may need it more but there are other people who struggle with losing weight and body image... there's no reason to deny them this kind of help if it's not unhealthy for them... They'll likely seek out more unhealthy ways of helping themselves, like non-FDA approved supplements.. etc.

It's not a permanent fix b/c for most people it starts losing effectiveness after 6-9 weeks... but it's a good start for very overweight people.. and for someone like me who needs to lose about 18 lbs. or soooo it's perfect. I'll be done before it loses effect then I can just maintainnn... perfect for me since I don't have the patience to do this the healthy way. I'll be healthy when I get there... I'll just eat the exact right amount of calories to maintain.

This is the first thing I've tried that really works, and that I know I can keep up... and I've tried a lot of things...

*Warning... do not buy this drug online... I researched it and it seems a lot of people buy this stuff online from India or whatever... You really have no idea what you are getting when you get meds from other unregulated countries... There is no FDA over there... it could be anything. Just trick a US Doctor (or just ask if you have the right BMI)... otherwise it's not worth the risk :)

I've lost 7 lbs in the last 5 days! Huzzah for Phentermine!! Weight today: 136 lbs