Hellloooo everyone,
To the left is a current pic of me (at 132.4)!! I intend to improve more, but this is a new low weight for me! So I'm thrilled!
I'm at the lowest weight I've been since before I stopped growing (in 6th grade). 132.4 and shrinking. For the first time in my life I have no desire to eat what-so-ever. I believe the meds (Phentermine & Fastin) are to be thanked!
Anywhoooo.. Long time now post! I've been very pre-occupied with a lot of personal issues lately.. Depression/Anxiety/General Insanity/etc. Sooo.. I basically just completely shut down the second half of my first semester in college.. Great. I mean.. I was MIA.. and in extremely bad shape. I have a history of depression.. this episode is about as close as I've come to my worst point ever. Personally, I could have done without falling back into the blackest hole I've ever been in.. but que sera sera..
Thankfully, or unfortunately (I'm in therapy currently to help me decide which), I have let almost nobody in my life (save my shrink) in on how depressed I've been lately. Part of being as perfectionistic as I am is about not letting anyone know anything is wrong. I'm very good at this.. Thus I am attempting to salvage what's left of me and cut through the red tape of gaining academic mental health exceptions from several sources... leaving me almost unable to function I'm so anxious. Yet.. I must maintain the charade that things are fine and dandy.. so I line up tasks and complete them with manic attention, and panicked energy. Anyone viewing me would simply consider my hyper-kineticness lately as my natural tendency towards workaholicism (new word?) Thus.. my rant about my enormously unstable, intensely anxiety ridden, manic state.. shall end o_O
The good part of now: Everything in my life is going spectacularly right now. I have a wonderful boyfriend I'm nuts about (this has never happened before), my parents as always are great, my little brother is becoming more human (I don't know why.. but I won't question it), I'm growing a lot mentally (hopefully as I pull myself together, emotionally as well). I'm getting help (though I should have gotten it sooner.. it would have been much more beneficial.. its not too late.) I'm proud of asking for help. It's not in my nature.. but it's only logical that we all need help sometimes.
Have a wonderfully Merry Christmas everyone!! I wish the world the best and all of you happiness! :D
Wowwww... seriously? seriously this is what you look like?
ReplyDeleteYou're GORGEOUS, girl. like... GORGEOUS, do you get it? lol
And I couldn't respect you more for putting up a picture of yourself, I'm trying to muster up the courage to do that myself =]
Thank you so much.. that's so nice of you to say..!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to show people what I was talking about kind of.. you know? It's kind of scary though.. to show everyone my weight/how I look instead of just talking anonymously about it..
Your comment really cheered me up today! Thanks!