Hmmm... Well My Life May Fall Apart Soon.. But Atleast I've Never Been Skinnier

Hellloooo everyone,

To the left is a current pic of me (at 132.4)!! I intend to improve more, but this is a new low weight for me! So I'm thrilled!

I'm at the lowest weight I've been since before I stopped growing (in 6th grade). 132.4 and shrinking. For the first time in my life I have no desire to eat what-so-ever. I believe the meds (Phentermine & Fastin) are to be thanked!

Anywhoooo.. Long time now post! I've been very pre-occupied with a lot of personal issues lately.. Depression/Anxiety/General Insanity/etc. Sooo.. I basically just completely shut down the second half of my first semester in college.. Great. I mean.. I was MIA.. and in extremely bad shape. I have a history of depression.. this episode is about as close as I've come to my worst point ever. Personally, I could have done without falling back into the blackest hole I've ever been in.. but que sera sera..

Thankfully, or unfortunately (I'm in therapy currently to help me decide which), I have let almost nobody in my life (save my shrink) in on how depressed I've been lately. Part of being as perfectionistic as I am is about not letting anyone know anything is wrong. I'm very good at this.. Thus I am attempting to salvage what's left of me and cut through the red tape of gaining academic mental health exceptions from several sources... leaving me almost unable to function I'm so anxious. Yet.. I must maintain the charade that things are fine and dandy.. so I line up tasks and complete them with manic attention, and panicked energy. Anyone viewing me would simply consider my hyper-kineticness lately as my natural tendency towards workaholicism (new word?) Thus.. my rant about my enormously unstable, intensely anxiety ridden, manic state.. shall end o_O

The good part of now: Everything in my life is going spectacularly right now. I have a wonderful boyfriend I'm nuts about (this has never happened before), my parents as always are great, my little brother is becoming more human (I don't know why.. but I won't question it), I'm growing a lot mentally (hopefully as I pull myself together, emotionally as well). I'm getting help (though I should have gotten it sooner.. it would have been much more beneficial.. its not too late.) I'm proud of asking for help. It's not in my nature.. but it's only logical that we all need help sometimes.

Have a wonderfully Merry Christmas everyone!! I wish the world the best and all of you happiness! :D

Finally... something fabulous that works... but you have to be tricky to get it o_O

Hokkayyy... So... I've abandoned the Nicotene thing because I've found something amazing that works fabulously!! And the nicotene black cherry lozenges taste bad...

Whatever, moving along. There's this prescription weight loss/appetite suppressent/optimal weight loss mode drug called Phentermine. It's normally only prescribed to patients with a BMI of 30 or over (ie obese). It's very powerful and according to the FDA only obese or overweight people should take it... fortunatly if you can find a doctor whose interpretation of overweight is how you feel about your weight, and your BMI is in the normal range still (like 21.3, like mine at the moment) you can get a prescription for this stuff for a month.

It's pricey (like $100 bucks per 30 pills) b/c you have to go to a weight loss clinic... and your insurance likely won't cover prescription weight loss meds if your weight doesn't effect your health (and they charge you more than necessary b/c the only reason they'll prescribe a normal weight person these meds if for cashhh... o_O Really kind of sketch atcually... but whatever... it works :)

Sooooo I put on a really baggy pair of sweat pants and strapped some running weights to my legs and put on a heavy sweatshirt also... this jacked my weight up enough for my BMI to be higher when they weighed me (I also told them I'm two inches shorter than I am... they didn't measure my height...).

Thus I was prescribed phentermine and now I have to force myself to eat... so I'm starving myself @ 500 cals a day + running... but I'm not at all starving... :D So fabulous..!!

I think anyone should be prescribed this drug if it is safe for them... obese people may need it more but there are other people who struggle with losing weight and body image... there's no reason to deny them this kind of help if it's not unhealthy for them... They'll likely seek out more unhealthy ways of helping themselves, like non-FDA approved supplements.. etc.

It's not a permanent fix b/c for most people it starts losing effectiveness after 6-9 weeks... but it's a good start for very overweight people.. and for someone like me who needs to lose about 18 lbs. or soooo it's perfect. I'll be done before it loses effect then I can just maintainnn... perfect for me since I don't have the patience to do this the healthy way. I'll be healthy when I get there... I'll just eat the exact right amount of calories to maintain.

This is the first thing I've tried that really works, and that I know I can keep up... and I've tried a lot of things...

*Warning... do not buy this drug online... I researched it and it seems a lot of people buy this stuff online from India or whatever... You really have no idea what you are getting when you get meds from other unregulated countries... There is no FDA over there... it could be anything. Just trick a US Doctor (or just ask if you have the right BMI)... otherwise it's not worth the risk :)

I've lost 7 lbs in the last 5 days! Huzzah for Phentermine!! Weight today: 136 lbs

Nicotine works for weightloss! Without Cigarettes...

I got very curious about this idea that smokers usually maintain leaner and lower body weights than non-smokers... So I posted my question on a few medical forums. Here's the most informative answer I got back from WebMD:

Ellen1991,

Nicotine does increase one's metabolism. It works in conjunctdion with diet to drop weight.

That is why some bodybuilders use the nicotine patch when dieting down for contest.

"Nicotine: Chemically Correct" provides a more indepth analysis of how nicotine works for weight loss.

As the article notes in the Conclusion: "Given Nicotine's pharmacology, it appears to be most useful during periods of intense dieting. By enhancing the actions of dopamine, serotonin and leptin, as well as partially inhibiting the actions of neuropeptide Y, nicotine can partially deceive the body into thinking it is fed-thereby decreasing appetite, mobilizing fat, and preserving lean body mass-even in the presence of a calorie deficit."

One of the best fat loss/weight formulas every is the
combination of Ephedrine/Caffeine/Asprin.

Larry Hobbs does medical research for Bariatric Physicians, specialist in obesity.

Years ago, Hobbs proclaimed it to the be the best
combination he's seen for weight loss.

While new weight loss medications have come along, the Ephedrine/Caffeine/Asprin combination still rates as one of the best.

With that said, no supplement alone will work without a proper diet.

Kenny Croxdale, BA, CSCS

I read elsewhere that nicotine increases your metabolism by 5-10% and decreases your appetite as well...

I think this is certainly something I will try! In combo with my diet and exercising of course! But any help is great! Bring on the patches and lozenges!! I'll keep posting about this experiment as I try it!

Binged :(

I binged today :( It was terrible.. my roomie ordered dominoes... I ATE so much.. a total of 2300 calories today. Horrible. Thankfully I only ate 300/340 Monday and Tuesday and 900 on Wed. (my boyfriend and I were celebrating his finishing writing a grant that was driving him nuts and had sushi...) I WILL ONLY EAT 300-450 calories until next wed. Then I can have 700 when I next see my bf. I should still lose atleast 1.5 lbs this week.. but UGH this sucks. Stupid stupid stupid. I knew I'd feel this way afterwards... WHY do I DO this.. So gross. :(

On the upside I seem to be getting myself together mentally to get back to working on life.. I've just been floating around in helpless limbo for the past few weeks. Back to work.. and MAJOR RESTRICTING...

Oh btw.. a side note.. I know smokers have smaller appetites.. and nicotine increases the metabolism. I would NEVER start smoking to lose weight.. the health detriments are NOT worth it.. but possibly taking small doses of nicotine after meals in the form of lozenges.. that may have some weight loss benefits? I wonder.. But then I've heard smokers gain weight once they stop smoking (personally I think this is because of their oral fixation, and needing to replace their former addiction with a distraction.. not because their metabolism slows back down alone. If they ate exactly the same amount, or less than they did while they smoked they probably would not gain.. I wonder if I should try.. or ask my doctor about this?)

Happy!!

I met my boyfriends parents this weekend!! :) I'm sooo happy even though I binged too much.. alcohol tends to make me relax enough to forget why the hell I shouldn't eat canes chicken fingers!! It was worth it though.. I really like my boyfriends rents and didn't want them to think I was strange or anything. We ended up having a blast at the LSU game and watching the saints game the next day!! :D

BUT now I'm back on track!! My moral is soooo high!! I quit taking my anti-depressants and I'm so much happier off them.. thank god! Acutane is a wonder drug!! My skin is already starting to clear up and I've only been on it for 10 days! My appetite is totally GONE!! :D The itchy lips, dry eyes, and aching muscles are a meager price to pay!! I've eaten a total of 300 calories today after unfortunatly purging after this weekend... I couldn't help it... I'm going to stick to my exact calorie plan I have layed out (in an excel chart.. yeap I'm a nerd)! I've made allowances for the inevitable and unavoidable Christmas/Thanksigiving/NewYears Binges... even a second thanksgiving since my boyfriend and I are driving to Texas to be merry and all that jazz with his family the day after actual thanksgiving!! :O Two thanksgivings... Whoa... Lol.. According to my plan I will weigh 128 or less by the day after new years!! I will make a new plan after that.. I will have to re-asses how much more weight I should lose at that point.

If anyone reads this what do you think is the perfect weight for someone who is 5'7/hourglass shaped/gains and loses weight evenly?? :) I'm just curious.. I'm thinking a BMI somewhere between 18.5 and 19.5 would be a good ultimate goal... which would put my goal weight someonewhere between 118 and 125 lbs.

Feeling Depressed

I seem to be living two lives lately.. The one where I'm at college alone and totally miserable.. too a dangerous extent. And the other where I'm with my family and boyfriend in Baton Rouge. I'm generally not all that happy there.. and they make me eat too much constantly. But atleast I have a reason to pretend I'm happy... to put on a show. There's no reason to do that here..

Diet Taco Bell?!?!... x_X

Soooo... yea... Diet taco bell... WoW...

I'm ashamed to say I take advantage of this... as I'm broke and taco bell is ridiculously cheap. Here are my low calorie finds for a dollar or under... So sad b/c they are completely unhealthy.. but make the perfect lunch/breakfast combo when I'm about to pass out between classes. Everything else is SO EXPENSIVE in my colleges food court type thingy. I sometimes get sushi or subway though.. Whatever.. here's my list:

Cinnamon twists: 170 cal
Soft Taco (with just meat/cheese/lettuce): 200
Hard Taco (with just meat/cheese/lettuce): 170
Mini Quesadilla: 190

So.. if I only get one of these.. then have oatmeal or chicken noodle soup for dinner. Not that bad of a calorie average daily and I'm not broke!

My meal plan pisses me off though.. there's no telling how many calories are in those cafeteria meals.. it's probably an astronomical level! I'm required to buy one though.. big waste of money.. I barely ever use it.. just now and then for a salad. Fail...